Ok, I'm not much good at waiting period. I admit it, it's a flaw of mine. I've always been one to jump right in and get going. So this waiting is really killing me.
The worst thing about the waiting is that it gives the neurosis time to kick in. Questions pepper me all the time...Will I be a good mother? Does God even want me to be a mother? Is there time to back out?
It's all silly stuff brought on by the stress of waiting and the stress of hearing that Brian may no longer be available. He's the baby that got us started with the whole adoption process. Upon our first meeting, Brian grabbed my heart and wouldn't let go - in fact he's still there and will probably hold a place there for the rest of my life.
I'm so thankful that some lucky family has decided to adopt him, but I'm also jealous. I had seen him as my son - our son. But I know that I must always be thankful for our chance meeting. He fully opened a door God has been trying to fling wide for years.
So I'll wait, and I won't be neurotic anymore. God had a plan, He executed on it, and I'll follow through with it knowing that He's backing me up 100%. He has the perfect child for my family just waiting even now to come home with us.
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