Wired and Weird...beat that

Right this minute, I'm blogging on my Samsung Galaxy Tab, answering email on my Motorola Android and playing the "with friends" games on my iPhone. Oh, let's not forget watching a recorded show on my PVR. Even for a gadget lover like me, that's a little too wired... Okay, and weird.

Hmm...could this be one extra-large Blue's clue to why I am struggling to stay on top of things and why I am not actually enjoying life at the moment? 

Since I don't feel equipped to address my wired habit, let's address a new weird one. In retrospect, I shouldn't be surprised. I come from a long line of vain (and rightly so) women. But I did surprise myself...I had Botox...and I love it! Does it make me vain? Probably. Does my new love of botulism make me weird? Undoubtedly!

She's baack...

I took a hiatus from blogging mainly because I didn't feel like I had much going on that was interesting enough to document. Interestingly, I suddenly don't care whether my posts are interesting or not. I feel like I'm growing so quickly lately, I have to document it or I'll miss all the lessons!

Latest lesson - my family is flippin' precious to me. Warts, quirks, and puppy dog tails, I'll take it all. We never have a dull moment and thank God for that. You see, I nearly killed us all the other day. I had a brief moment of domesticity and actually cooked a dinner... and then didn't completely turn off the gas range

Believe me when I tell you that 24 hours of gas running (even at a slow trickle) will fill your house up and it's not good for you to breathe (duh). We are all OK but I'm still feeling incredibly guilty. I think mainly because I'm so busy I'm never really there. You may see me but I can promise you my brain is already 4 hours ahead worrying and wondering about how I'll handle the next fire, the next big project, the next whatever.

Blessed!

So here is the take away...be present. You only have today and this minute one time, be present in it. My daughter will only be 5 for 365 short days, my husband is quite interesting and always fun to be with, my grandmothers, mother, aunt and father are still living and have great experiences to gladly share with me. What am I so busy doing that I can't look at these gifts and just be without any agenda?

So here goes...presence is the new thing. Let's see what happens now baby!

May the Song Move You

I really hate those Facebook quizzes that ask you what type of music you listen too, or what's on your playlist, or who's your favorite artist. I can never think of answers that a) my friends would not have me committed for; b) I should be ashamed to listen to (I went through a weird period where I had the Grease soundtrack on my MP3 player); or c) should never have made any playlist anywhere.

With all the buzz about the crazy awesome performance by Susan Boyle I started thinking about songs in general and how they have the power to move you completely out of yourself for different reasons. So here goes - promise not to laugh at my way eclectic music tastes - my list of songs that move me and why they move me:

Religious (nearly all the old hymns hit me in the gut and many bring tears to my eyes) these in particular get me every time:

• Rock of Ages - dude - "foul, I to the fountain fly. Wash me savior or I die." I defy you to be unmoved by that line alone
• Old Rugged Cross
• Softly and Tenderly
• The Doxology (thank God my church still sings this every once in a while)
• Great is thy Faithfulness
• How Great Thou Art
• Amazing Grace
  
• In the Garden
• I'm Going Home (Alabama Sacred Harp Singers version)

Ok, so here comes the eclectic part:

• Mandolin Rain - Bruce Hornsby - there's no more nostalgic song
• This Year's Love - David Gray - Dang!
• Mo Ghile Mear - (loved Sting's version on The Cheiftains Long Black Veil CD - that's a totally awesome CD by the way - check it out if you're a fan of Mick Jagger, Sting, Marianne Faithful or Tom Jones)
• Ragland Road - Roger Daltrey's version on The Chieftains An Irish Evening Live at the Grand Opera House, Belfast. BTW, this is another weird little gem of a CD - it's got Roger singing Behind Blue Eyes, which was redone by Limp Bizkit in 2003.
• Already Gone - Sugarland - the verse where she leaves her guy - gut punch
• Crazy Love & Into the Mystic - Van Morrison - self explanatory
• Crazy - Aerosmith - don't ask me why. Weirdly, I found that 1 of only two songs I know all the way through is Aerosmith's "What it Takes". What does that say about me?
  
• Tom Traubert's Blues & Have I Told you Lately - from Rod Stewart's Unplugged & Seated CD
• Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
• Life in a Northern Town - both The Dream Academy and Sugarland versions
  
• With a Little Help from My Friends & You Are So Beautiful - Joe Cocker
  
• Georgia on My Mind - Ray Charles
• Roll me Away - Bob Segar
• Bobby Magee - Janis Joplin
  
• Amazed - Lonestar. I put this song here not so much because of the song, but because of where I heard it! I had to go to Buenos Aires for 2 weeks when this song was popular in America. I was completely out of my element and homesick. One day, I went out with the group and while they were talking (much as I like to think I speak a little Spanish, I really don't) this song came on the radio. I think I cried just for the love of hearing a little English!

You can listen to this playlist now. There are, of course, many, many more. What are your favorites and why?

Hide and go seek in the dark

My brother reminded me of a game we used to play when we were young. We named it Hide and Go Seek in the Dark. Oh, don't let the name fool you - it was much more complex than it sounds.

The three of us would hole up in a guest bedroom and plot and plan for hours on end. Hide and Go Seek in the Dark came about on a rainy Sunday sometime when we were still in grade school. If you were "it", your sole duty was to stare at the overhead light for approximately forever if Brett was the timekeeper. The other two would man the light and when "time was up", turn it off.

As you can imagine, if you've ever stared at a light for any length of time, the afterimage is permanently burned into your retina. One person would turn "it" around and around rendering you blind and vomitous (I really hope my dad doesn't read this) and completely without direction. The other two sibs would hide while the sick, dizzy, headblind one would stumble around in the darkened room searching for the next victim of this bizarre game.

Even more bizarre, we played it hours on end and for years! I'm sure we did permanent damage to our eyes (in fact, since I had to have LASIK in December, I'm certain of it). This was in the formative years after we stopped playing Star Wars in the back of Dad's car and before we started listening to Michael Jackson. Dude, that dates me if nothing else does.

Remembering this game was such a relief after a couple of really bad weeks that I find myself owing my brother - not a place you really want to be most times! We lost our beloved dog to cancer and had to put her down (which is the most barbaric thing you can do in the name of humanity). For a couple of days, I walked around with her afterimage burned into my retina. She was such a part of our lives that I saw her out of my peripheral vision for days after she was gone.

Sick, dizzy, and a little headblind, I stumbled through work and life missing that dog more than I can remember missing any human being. I think God gives us pets to show us real unconditional and unquestioning love and it should break our hearts when they are gone. Even now, sitting at my computer writing this, I think she should be laying at my feet waiting for me to get up and play or feed her or play.

Thank you God for simple gifts of furry friends, family, human friends and the joys of memories be they nostalgic, sad, or joyful. "This is My comandment that you love one another and your joy may be full!"

The magic word

We watch a lot of Dora the Explorer in our house. Strangely enough, there are quite a few TV viewing options for our two-year old. And most of them are quite cultural. Right now Gracie's watching a cute little Chinese-American girl called Kai-lan. Her catchphrase is "Ni Hao!", which Gracie has translated to the much easier Meow! Both Dora and Kai-lan subtly introduce their native languages to two-year olds all over the world.

My favorite Dora quote came from our good friend Jeremy: "Ah Dora, converting the world to Spanish one word at a time." Classic!

All this culture however, is not without its side effects. The other night while we were eating dinner, Gracie demanded to have more juice. Her daddy said, "what's the magic word?" because we're really trying for the manners thing... Gracie didn't even have to think about this one; she promptly and quite proudly announced: "abra!"

Abra? It took us a few minutes, but we finally figured it out... Dora has an episode where she has to ask a rock to open it's door. The storyline refers to abra as the magic word to open the doors. Mystery solved.; the magic word really is abra!

The more I think about it, abra really is a magic word. I often catch myself humming that Michael W. Smith standard Open the Eyes of my Heart. I think God would say that abra is a great word: just think back to VBS as a kid and the great Rev 3:20 verse "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me."

I remember being quite young when I opened that door and my prayer today is that I always obey when God whispers "abra por favor."

I wanna be a race car driver

There it is - the veriest of truths! I like - no, wait - I love to drive fast. In fact, I love to drive fast so much that I don't even realize I'm doing it anymore. Case in point: I got to work in 19 minutes this morning. This is not a good thing as it is typically a 45 minute drive with no traffic. When I looked down at the clock and saw the time... Well, shocked was an understatement. I guess when my husband hums the Speed Racer theme beneath his breath as I drive merrily along I ought to get a clue, no?

I think I would be a great race car driver! Never mind that I know next to nothing about building or maintaining a car... Isn't it enough to know that I want to drive fast and am good at it? Hmm...there's a racing school out at Texas Motor Speedway that I need to check out.

Of course, I also wanted to be a secret agent (as in CIA or something like that). I even focused on diplomatic U.S. history in college. Or a rock star! But I gave both of those dreams up when I realized I was not that fond of traveling and that I could not sing (which, apparently, is a critical necessity for a rock star - see Milli Vanilli and Ashley Simpson).

It's interesting that closer to 50 than 20, I still have these dreams. I have a career - one that I'm mostly ecstatic about. I get to work with God's servants every day and help advance the Kingdom in some small measure. How many people can say that? Not too many would be my guess.

So, in the end, I'm very blessed that God made me a writer. I get to do what I'm best at on a regular basis and in my spare time I can create characters that drive fast, practice espionage and subterfuge, or sing as pretty as an angel. So my prayer is that Jeff Gordon never comes to ask me to race on his team - the temptation to change careers might be more than this writer could resist!

Naked neighbors have too many hands

Ok, before you go getting all excited, it's not what you think. I'm sick to death of trying to blog about work and am back to writing about my life. And the center of my life is my daughter. That hilarious, precious baby keeps me laughing and makes everything worth it.

Being two, she has found that she can talk and talk a lot! My favorite things that she says:

1. While running naked through the house "Daddy! I'm a naked neighbor!" or when she and I are getting ready for bed "Mommy, we're naked neighbors!". She's trying to say naked jaybird, but it just doesn't come out that way. :)
   
   
2. When she is holding something in each hand and you try to give her something else she says "Mommy, I have too many hands!"
   

These are perfect memories that I pray I will never forget - particularly when she turns into a teenager and I need some precious memories to bolster my parental self-image!

Happens every time

Ok, I give up. I admit it, it's too much trouble. I have been looking for a combo LMS/CMS for about a month now and I'm sick of it. This happens every time I go down this path; I get so far and then end up giving up. There are so many LMSs and many CMSs in the market that after looking for awhile the features become a confusing mass of meaningless drivel.

My friend Lisa did something amazing. She gave up her job to work with her family on her niece's emerging career as a singer/actress. Demi's currently traveling all over the place to promote her new gig "Camp Rock" and Lisa is traveling with her. To me this is an amazing act of love and sacrifice.

What does this have to do with my hunt for content management? Well, for one thing, it showed me how non-sacrificial I am. Just because I cannot concentrate well enough to wade through features doesn't mean I should give up. After all, this doesn't require me to give up everything like Lisa did.

So, every time I want to give up (and, believe me, it's often these days), Lisa's story will remind me not to. I want to turn "happens every time" into "happens sometimes". Wish me luck...

Still Hunting...

I have now seen more online video presentations than I ever cared to. Tip to some of you CMS/LMS vendors out there... If you go to the trouble of creating a video, at least create one with words! Come on - if I wanted to read, I would have downloaded your white paper from the home page. :)

One good thing has come out of this search, my co-worker Bill and I are talking about cool ways to educate people. He has some great tips in this post.

So, I'm saddened by the lack of what I need in the marketplace. I really want a combination LMS/CMS.

The closest I have found so far is RWD uPerform. This is a very interesting product. I'll let you watch their demo and comment on it. I'm keeping my eye on it though.

The Hunt for Content Management

Something's been keeping me up at night... It's horrible, terrifying really. I have content.

I guess this is not surprising considering that I am a writer. I write all kinds of documentation for the user community for a web-based product called Fellowship One. This blog entry is not so much about the unique challenges I face writing for a non-technical audience, so I'll skip that for another time.

What's scary is the amount and variety of documentation I have created in 4.5 years. I have online help, PDF documents, 300+ knowledge base answers, training handouts, case studies, white papers, preview guides, and on and on. It's pretty much never ending.

Content is not my problem, which is great to say when you're a one-woman show. What has become a very pressing problem is managing all this content. I'm pressed to even tell you where everything is anymore - I have to search. Just like my users do.

Sigh... So I've finally admitted defeat and am on the hunt for a combination content/learning management system. I am defeated because RFIs, trial accounts, and endless "why do you want to spend our money again?" meetings loom in my future. All to a good end but tedious nonetheless.

Anyone out there had a good experience with a CMS/LMS combo? I would appreciate your feedback as I start my search.

Live Writer

I'm a terrible blogger. I don't know why I expected to be good at it. I never kept a diary successfully so what made me think I'd be able to post to a blog more often.

I think part of the problem is that when I started the blog you had to visit the site to post. Since then, there have been some cool additions. For one thing, I could email my post to my blog. That's better.

Now I found something even better - Windows Live Writer. In my day job, I have to use Windows Live Messenger to communicate with my co-workers. This add on is really cool. Since I'm already in the messenger, it's just a fast click away and I can see my blog as if I'm logged into Blogger. Way cool!

Maybe the new tool will get me blogging more! Let's hope.

Technorati Tags: Microsoft,Live Writer

Personal DNA

Just took an interesting personality quiz that resulted in a personal DNA map. Interestingly, it was pretty accurate - at least to the view I have of myself. The results are that I am a benevolent experiencer. I do love to experience things myself.

I am experiencing the blues right now - my co-worker is playing Lyle Lovett behind me and his bluesy twang is filling our office.

We're also experiencing rain! It seems it will be either feast or famine here in Texas. After two years of terrible drought we are now deluged. Places are flooding that haven't flooded in more than 100 years. The only upside is that we have unseasonably cool weather. The high today is supposed to be 84, which is unheard of for July in Texas.

As for benevolence, I guess I am benevolent for the most part - though that sounds a little high handed to me (like I'm in the position to offer benevolence to another person). I typically love people though and believe that most people have the best of intentions.

Anyway, check it out if you have a moment, it's interesting and has me quite introspective this morning.

Christmas gift 3 of 3

I know you've been waiting with baited breath for my final Christmas post. I received this present this year. I had no idea what I would receive from my grandmother. Most Christmases, she picks a clothing item or makes us a ceramic figurine. I confess this is what I was expecting this year. I was in no great hurry to pick it up from my mother's house, so waited until just after Christmas.

What was in the package was such a lovely surprise that it still makes me happy thinking about it. A whole month has passed and the glow of pleasure has not faded. My grandmother has always told stories about her life growing up. In the early 80's she began writing these stories down and sending them to us occasionally. Of course, as a youngster, these were novelties, but were not the treasures they are today.

As an adult, the fascination with my history has grown. As has the appreciation for those who have come before me. My life is tough. Granted, there are many things today that make life much easier than it was; however, there are also more things to steal time. I often think about my grandmother who raised children without the benefit of disposable diapers and formula in a can. I don't think I could have done it.

So, much to my surprise, this year my grandmother gave me the gift of her stories and her life. She and my aunt conspired together to create the most wonderful book of stories I have ever read. It's a personal blog written the old school way, typed and printed with pictures and insights into my grandmother's mind and heart.

I called her and my aunt and I'm sure I gushed. But I thanked them profusely for such a touching, lovely treasure. I will keep it always and take it out to show my Grace and any other kids that happen to bless our home. They will know how special my grandmother was and how much she cared about us to share her life in such a special way.

Christmas Gift 2 of 3

My second favorite Christmas gift came this year. On December 13th, Department of Family Services proved up in court. "Proved up" was new terminology for me; in a nutshell it means that the Child Protective Services agent did all she could to contact our foster daughter's parents and extended family. All attempts to reach them ultimately failed.

In court, CPS presented its paperwork and the judge agreed that all parental and family rights should be terminated. We are now waiting out the 30 day appeal period. So, if you've been reading this blog and keeping up with our adoption story, you'll be happy to know we have 10 days left before we can find an attorney and adopt our baby.

So, my second favorite gift is Grace. Perfect, beautiful, gift from God Grace. The gift of knowing she will be mine soon is priceless. Nothing anyone could ever buy me will compare.

Best Christmas Gift 1 of 3

The very best of the best, hmm... I have had several very memorable Christmas presents, but three particularly stand out to me. Interestingly, two of the three could not be purchased in a store. So maybe it was all about the bling and the commercialism when I was younger (I can remember really loving Atari and the Barbie Dreamhouse in particular), but these days it seems to be all about the heart.

Christmas gift 1: A keyboard

I have been a music lover all of my life. I love to sing though I have no real voice for it. I love to dance and I love all kinds of music. I played the violin for about 7 years growing up and remember that I hated to practice but oh Lord, I loved to play in a concert. Nothing much compares to that rush of adrenaline you get sitting on the stage waiting for the conductor to tap his baton.

I loved to play, but I was not disciplined enough to keep it up. Once the formal education was over, so was the violin. I pick it up on occasion, but really just to goof and to see if I can still play Handel's Messiah.

So, Christmas 2000 comes. It was my second year of marriage to my husband, who is my polar opposite - ask anyone. I caught myself wondering why we had married a few times in those first two years. I was no suzy homemaker and low and behold his love language was "Acts of Service" ; it's a wonder we made it though. :)

One thing that I have always found endearing about him is his absolute excitement during the Christmas holidays. 2000 was no exception. He was like a kid, so excited about the gift he had bought me. In fact, he could not wait until Christmas to give it to me. He nagged and bugged me until I agreed to open the gift.

You could have pushed me over with a feather - my shock was that huge. My husband, who I believed did not know me at all ended up knowing me better than I knew myself. He had purchased me a nice Yamaha keyboard. I did not even know I wanted a piano, but much to my surprise I jumped up and down like a 10 year-old who just received Playstation 3. I cried and I could not stop thanking him.

Once again, I am in awe of God. He gave me the perfect gift in 2000. A husband who knows me down to the tiny hopes and dreams in the still small space of my soul. Rest assured I never doubt why I married him these days. He is the perfect complement to me in so many ways. What we lack in ourselves is beautifully complemented by the other. So, thank you honey for the keyboard and thank you God for my husband.

Performance car envy

This morning on my way down the North Dallas Tollway I began to change lanes when in my side mirror I caught the blur of something flying. The silver streak caught the morning sunlight as it zoomed toward me in the center lane.

In sheer appreciation, I watched as what I now understood to be a late model Mercedes C230 zoomed toward me. I paused to watch as it caught up to me and thought it would be slowed down by the traffic that was hampering my own progress. Not so! In moves that are generally acommpanied by disclamer statements such as "stunt driver on a closed course. do not attempt", the sweet ride flowed to the right and left and right again in as graceful a zig zag as I have ever seen.

The Mercedes lane jumped cutting in and out back and forth again and again. It dodged the myriad of SUVs, sedans, and sports cars cluttering the tollway as smoothly as a hawk gliding on updrafts on a lazy summer day.

Though lane jumpers generally piss me off as a rule, I could be nothing but amazed as I watched this car do what it so obviously was built to do - perform. I could not muster angry feelings as I simply appreciated seeing something doing what it was designed to do. I suppose that is the way God must feel when we are using our minds, talents, and gifts in the way He intended. To be as graceful as a performance car on a spring morning would be something. Something that would scream, "I am built for His pleasure and will perform as I was intended to perform".

Yea though I walk...

...through the valley of the shadow of death

That pretty much sums it up. The kids are both gone to relatives' houses. I can't help wondering how they are. I miss them so much - do they miss me?

What a wreck of a day. There are hundreds of songs, stories, and poems that have a central theme of "If I had only known we only had one more day..." Well, we knew, and let me tell you, it did not make it any easier. I can only pray that I never again have to experience the heartache of letting a child go.

One last kiss, one last cuddle, the so soft hair, the insanely soft skin on his neck. I just have to keep going and keep believing with every fiber of my being that God has a fabulous plan for them and for us.

So no more death and dreariness. Every single human being has something terrible happen to them - sometimes several times. But the testament to the human condition is that we continue. We get up, dust ourselves off and go on.

So, walk with me out of the shadow and let God's rod and staff comfort us. Tomorrow is a new day with new opportunities for life, love, and happiness.

Let me talk to someone...please!

When I was young and smug I could not understand why people complained about the IVR systems in place at most big companies. I mean what's the big deal? Just listen to the questions and enter your response - couldn't be simpler right? WRONG!

Now that I have a 2 year old and 6 month old taking every spare second I have, I cannot imagine how I ever tolerated listening to the electronic voice present me with a seemingly endless array of choices. The biggest offender lately has been the bank that holds my mortgage loan. I am not a banking customer at Chevy Chase Bank - nor will I ever be now. This limits the entries that I can make drastically as the only two options are to enter your checking account number or your ATM card number - of which I have neither. One time I navigated through to the loan department only to get a lady's voice mail! I kid you not! All I want is a human to answer my question - that's not so much to ask is it?

With kids, I have a limited amount of time available and that time that I do have the kids are generally demanding my attention in the background. This means that invariably I miss some of the choices I can make and have to listen to the whole thing over again. It's particularly annoying to miss options and then re-miss options again! Arggggh!

I try pressing "0" anytime I am confronted with one of these systems, but that does not always work. Good news though! I found a link in today's news articles on MSN to Paul English's cheat sheet. Check it out! It has the cheats for beating the systems at many of the most frequently called companies. Whoo hoo! Sadly, Chevy Chase Bank is missing from the cheat sheet. :( If I ever figure out how to beat it, I will be sure to add it to the list. So, I start 2006 penniless, not so smug, and complaining. What's new?

90 miles an hour

Isn't that how we all live our lives? At 90 MPH? I feel like I run from early morning to late at night with no stopping for breaks! But would I be as happy if I was running slower? Who's to know?

The kids are still with us and it is looking very positive that we may get to adopt them. Christmas was insane. What a fun time! I can't believe all the gifts they got. Everyone got them a gift! We decided to hold some back for good rewards later.

Fina is a ball! She's 2 1/2 and very typically 2 1/2. Everything's about her - and shouldn't it be? We've started a new phase (I call it hell - lol) where she screams when she's frustrated instead of telling us what she wants or doesn't want. Ah, the joys of parenting... But the joyful part is that she has the best sense of humor. We were teaching her the difference between little and big and asked her what Lacy says (Lacy's our friend's very small beagle). Appropriately, Fina responds "woof, woof" in a tiny voice. Then I asked her what Haley (our large German Shep mix) says. Fina (totally deadpan) says "Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof, woof, woof" in a super loud bluesy voice. We all just cracked up - now she's doing it all the time.

Simon's my babydoll. He's almost 7 months old now. There's nothing more depressing than watching time fly while your baby is growing so darn fast. We got him a Pack 'n Play playpen diaper changing combo thingy. When I change his diaper, I often lean over and kiss his cheeks. He smiles so big and laughs out loud. What a sweet, sweet sound that is. What a heartbreak (but in a good way)...

Jeff leaves for a month in Ireland on the 3rd. I shall probably go insane by the time he returns. Prozac here I come... It happens to be our busy time at Fellowship Tech as well. Why wouldn't it be? Yieee! But like Gloria Gaynor, I will survive. And onward, full speed ahead.

Kids, kids, glorious kids

It's been a long time, but you'll have to excuse me - I have kids now! They are in my house temporarily, but not going anywhere in the forseeable future. Yippee! and Aieee! all at the same time.

I love having the kids at home, but I just have to say I have never worked so hard in all my life. The work isn't such a big deal, it's having to always be "on". You have to listen and respond and try not to be flip. The 2 1/2 year old repeats everything we say, which we knew theoretically would happen, but the reality is frightening!

The baby is an absolute joy. We are nearly at the point where he is sleeping through the night. Most nights he makes it to about 5:30ish. I have had a cough lately, so I think that's been waking him. What a doll! His smile could melt the hardest heart and his laugh turns my knees to jelly.

What fun we are having learning to be kids again. Now we just need to learn how to mix husband and wife time with the family time. There doesn't seem to be enough time for "us" but I know we need to make it. I don't want to be one of those people whose marriage is all about the kids so there's nothing to talk about when the kids are gone.

Anyway, the next decision will be on Nov. 21 when the aunt goes to court to try and get custody of Simon (the baby). We are all hoping that doesn't happen. Fina, Jeff and I will just miss him terribly. I have tears now thinking about it. God knows what He's doing though and we'll just wait to see what happens.